Nomads feel the Scorpion's sting

I get the feeling Bouch is all at sea with this analogy but what the heck, he's enjoying himself...

Communique

To: Rear Admiral the Lord Adam Harperington-Blogsmythe, KCV A, RSE B, UM with Distinction

From: Commander of HMS Scorpion

Ref: Invasion of Kowloon Peninsula

Sir,

As instructed by Fleet HQ, HMS Scorpion undertook their planned invasion of the Kowloon Peninsula this Saturday last. We encountered some spirited resistance from a local force of Nomads but after several minutes skirmishing, we were able to fire off several successful salvos. As the engagement continued, the crew battled with structure and cohesion for periods whilst also managing to allow the opposition forces to appear as if they could resist. I have advised the crew that this sort of lapse in discipline is not to be tolerated and after the Nomadic force had been defeated by 52 hits to nil, we maintained station and undertook several essential keel-haulings as required by military convention. All members of the crew took their punishment like the men they are.

To be mentioned in dispatches:
Lieutenant Commander Giles Disney-LargeOick, despite his appalling lower middle class accent, the man charged with selecting our forces for this encounter did a more than sterling job and was suitable rewarded after the match. Unfortunately I was unable to formally present him with the MOTB medal as one of the previous crew members has neglected to return it. He will be scrubbing the decks appropriately.

Ensigns Nieto, Beckett, and Bowring and former Captain of the Vessel Shane Farmhand-Wallis performed very well and were responsible for the vast majority of the hits we achieved, for which the command structure were dutifully grateful. It is worth noting that unfortunately Commander Sir Watsonian-Northernbottom was detained in port due to hosting members of the Singaporean navy who had mysteriously arrived for a shared tour of duty. However when informed of the extent of our victory, Sir W-N was extremely pleased.

Once again, the entire for'rard section performed with distinction although our aeriel support group, used when we were at the edge of the battlefield, needed a little work. I fear another trip to HMS TrainingField!

Finally, it is my sad duty to report that certain elements of the for'rard section were forced to retire from the engagement after I had sent in all of the available reserve force. (Able Seaman Frost (very unable at this point) was suitably keel-hauled.) Faced with leaving a hole in the strength of the attack, I was forced into the engagement myself. I am pleased however to report that my intervention didn't cause too much embarrassment and I am grateful to Master Chief Petty Officer Yataka Yazawa-san, on loan from His Imperial Japanese Maritime Self Defence Force, who bailed me out of a potentially nasty surprise when I found myself isolated deep behind enemy lines, attempting to grasp some advantage from Cabin Boy French's bizarre use of the foot as an attacking weapon. Indeed suffice it to say all of the crew found it slightly amusing from one so large.

I am also delighted to inform fleet command that we maintained a small force to lend support to the fleet's primary aircraft carrier group led by HMS Club, who also achieved victory. I am however duty bound to point out that several members of their crew appeared to be from the colonies, who had the affrontery to engage in a social game of rugger this weekend last at Fleet HQ, and heaven forbid, humiliate Fleet's finest. I assure you sir that no such tomfoolery was allowed in our crew and former Captain of Vessel Farmhand-Wallis was the only foreigner we allowed aboard ship, the fact of which we also gleefully reminded him.

I remain, in victory, your humble servant,

Commander Her Britannic Majesty's Ship Scorpion, Sir Andrew Bouchington-Blithertwit, KCV A, NGRY, TWA, T with bar

End Communique

Scorps test PLA, show potential

The below is something of a hybrid between a CIA report, an executive summary and a stream-of-consciousness piece of Hunter S. Thompson-style reportage. Who else could have written it but Bouch?

Date: Saturday 18th October 2008
Location: Kings Park (away again!)
Opposition: The People's Liberation Army of the People's Republic of China
Score: CBRE HKFC III Scorpions 22, Laxton PLA 44
Scorers: Tries: Charles French 2, Alex Smith, David Guthrie; Conversions: David Beckett 2

It behoves this writer to crave the indulgence of the "blog-itors", by being a smidgeon late. Dry yet profuse words can be delivered with alacrity, erudition and wit take a little longer. Before I wrote this report I took the liberty of investigating our opposition a little more than watching them run past me very fast. I discovered this intriguing factoid:"The PLA is the world's largest military force, with approximately 3 million members, and has the world's largest (active) standing army, with approximately 2.25 million members."Which I imagine can go some way to explaining how they managed to get 14 people who were simultaneously very quick and had little or no body fat - the 15th member was the first but strangely not the latter.

The lack of fat and the small issue of a language barrier did make for somewhat less comedy than normal.The coaching staff's near complete failure to register any laughs was compounded by the minor issue that our good selves were virtually incapable of tackling the aforesaid blubberless ones. Despite this coach Mike Watson, he of the no body fat whatsoever but a fine line in Northern wit, had a couple of intriguing comments for the team to consider at training.

• Thanks - hard work. Tough match against a good side - fast and fit.
• Disappointment because we had the ability to beat PLA if we could learn to adapt our performance to counter their strengths. The first 15 minutes we totalled them scoring one, nearly a second attacking their 22 and then an interception.
• Two more tries were interceptions when we were in attacking position. This made 21 points lads deduct them and you see the true nature of the game.
• Comments:- Scrummaging very good. Front Row really worked in tight and in loose. Just a couple of wheels later on but impressed.
- Loose - when we stuck to the pick drive and roll agreement of before the kick off we just took PLA down the park often 20 to 40 Meters. To be fair I think if we did this against many sides in our league we would win the game.
- Backs overall no criticism. I liked the open play and the handling was in the main strong. Taking runners from the back row also gained ground for us.
- Penalties - well done to Smudger for the quick taps - 2 tries came from this.
- Dave Beckett great running. Nick James if I underestimated your running ability from deep mate first time I have seen it.All of the above would have been of value (including the bits I have carefully edited out) at training, had anybody been there on Monday!!! Which was nice.

In summary, which by its very nature and because it is written by me, may very well end up being longer than the main content, the Scorps laid down a big marker for the season. We played at times some good strong rugby with discipline and just enough flair to be very dangerous. It also is great to see that there are many more players who have the wherewithal and desire to play in the higher leagues. David Beckett and Nick James were mentioned above as was Smudger Smith stepping up from Select with aplomb. However the Man of the Match went to Minju "Midget" Kim for an outstanding full 80 minutes at tighthead prop against a much bigger and more experienced (make that ex-Chinese international) prop, and we at times powered them off their own ball. The Tuesday of the match remains in the capable hands of Mr Richard Tinsley for failing to return the sartorial wig and hat combo which management had carefully crafted the previous week.Despite this we did manage to turnstile a few of their players and lessons have been learned.

Bring it on as they say - whoever the hell "they" are.
Bouch

Dragons defend fortress HKFC against strong PLA attack

PLA warm up before taking on Drags

Dragons 24 - 17 Laxton PLA

Dragons go into the Christmas break as HKFC's most successful team and its only unbeaten one after Club succumbed to HKCC Aberdeen two weeks ago. Without question, the well-drilled soldiers of the PLA offered Drags' sternest challenge so far, but that challenge drew - in spells - Drag's most disciplined and professional performance of the season.

Having been reminded of the importance of starting on the front foot by the previous weekend's encounter with a motivated Scorps side, Drags came out of the tunnel with real intent and soon started to put the PLA under pressure. Before the game, Drags had been particularly aware that they would face near first-grade opposition and that the PLA lineout, in particular, was very strong. One Drags team member (who will remain nameless) went as far as to describe it as "probably the best lineout in Asia, apart from the Japanese national team." While this might be a bit of a stretch, the PLA clearly pride themselves on their lineout as a platform. But it was in this area that Drags forced the first mistake by their martial opponents. Some robust pick-and-drive play in midfield by Drags in the openining exchanges gave Dave Beckett the opportunity to slot a clever positional kick into touch inside the PLA 22. They then bungled the tap-down to allow a marauding Steve Matthews in for the first score of the game.

Adam Raby failed to convert, but went on to kick a Wilkinsonesque five from six in the game (Raby even emulates the Wilkinson pre-kick stance). For good periods of the first half, Drags kept up the pressure on the PLA, keeping the ball tight and playing good, structured rugby. Denied an open and chaotic game in which their fast men could thrive, the PLA struggled to establish a rhythm and Drags dominated. Late in the first half, a sustained assault from the Drags pack allowed Robin Bredbury to feed a subtly delayed pass to Beckett, who surged over from close range. Drags went into the break 15-0 ahead (I think) and looking good, although the first half had been blighted by the loss of the Andrews Corkery and Noble to injury, bringing Chris Howard and Bredbury into the game.

Those two tries were to be the only five-pointers of the game for Drags, though. Although Raby kept on slotting the penalties, PLA came back into the game strongly in the second half. As Dragons began to lose their shape, the PLA's fast men started cashing in on space out wide and, at 24-17 with maybe 10 minutes to go, Drags suddenly looked under threat. They dug in, however, refusing to let their season so far be tarnished by losing a game they should have won more comfortably. Drags were first relieved and then jubilant to emerge as winners, and should take enormous credit for delivering on their promise in the first half of the 2007-08 season.

If this form continues after Christmas, speculation will inevitably return to whether Drags could cut it with the big boys in Division One. While this team is far stronger than the one that limped from defeat to thrashing in the first grade last season, the new elite, five team structure of Division One and the increased number of professional players there has raised the quality, pace and physicality to a fearsome pitch. It is too early to talk about the possibility or desirability of Drags' promotion, but it will no doubt become a real issue in the New Year. For the record, Drags are 13 points clear of Valley Knights at the top of Division Two with 35 points from seven games and a stunning differential of 248 points for and just 69 conceded (giving an average match score of roughly 35-10 for the mathematically disinclined among you).

Harps

HKFC Dragons v Laxton PLA

HKFC, 3pm, Saturday 24 November 2007

1. Adam Harper
2. Duncan Robertson
3. Damian Babis
4. Laurence Denvir
5. Ramsey Carter (C)
6. Andrew Corkery
7. Rob Hewitson
8. Steve Mathews
9. Andy Noble

10. Dave Beckett
11. Ed Cosgrove
12. Troy Hogan
13. Romain Perret
14. Piers Nickalls
15. Adam Raby

Reserves

· Jez Lawson (Hooker)
· Ben Michael
· Chris Howard
· Diarmuid Kinsella
· Robin Bredbury

Of Scorpions and Soldiers

Far right: an Iraqi scorpion; considerably less fierce than its HKFC counterparts

Near right: Select head out for a night on the town - sorry - it's our brave protectors, the PLA

Afternoon Gents. It's Thursday. That means it will be Friday tomorrow, which is good, although not as good as the fact that Saturday will follow shortly afterwards.

First of all, some thoughts on the Scorps v Drags clash last Satutrday which, as you will no doubt know, finished 25-7 to Drags.

Frankly (and I write as a Drags player), that scoreline rather flattered the Dragons. Scorps came out with the fire and intensity of old and took control of much of the game. It never looked like first place playing last place in the division. Rob Gabbe, as ever, tackled like his life depended on it and smashed everything in sight. Despite being under pressure in the scrum from the massive Naylor-Cowhead-Babis front row (potentially the heaviest in Club history?), Scorps secured good possession for their backs through sheer tenacity and allowed Dave Beckett time to slot some effective kicks to the corners. By the way, after the exit of the indomitable Yutaka Yuzawa, Scorps played with a novel three-hooker front row consisting of Messrs 'Absinthe' Lawson, Sheren and Ali Iqbal Sharif Nazir, who was something of a revelation at tighthead, according to his learned opponents. In the keenly-awaited battle of the scrum halves, dare I say that Duncan Grewcock shaded Phil Reid this time? Although Phil was entirely sound, Grewers was full of pace, energy and ambition and seemed determined to make a point (as he did later at his Stag...)

Scorps took a deserved lead midway through the first half after a direct run from their new lock who's quite good (but whose name remains unknown to me) exposed the uncharacteristically hesitant and fragile Drags defence. Unfortunately for Scorps, they quickly conceded a soft intercepted try to Simon Shoebridge which was duly converted by Adam Raby. For those who are interested, unemployed former student Raby can frequently be seen getting on it in Taco Loco by the escalator with a bunch of other neophytes. Why they choose to go there is a mystery to me, although some of his female friends aren't bad.

As then game went on, Scorps continued to impress with their industry and application to the task, but frustratingly conceded another soft try. First of all, the Scorps back three failed to gather an innocuous-looking bouncing kick just inside their half and were ambushed by Drags winger Ed Johnson, who flew through, gathered and streaked away to the try line with the Scorps defenders trailing in his wake. Tim (little) Robinson crossed for another try to settle the matter late in the game, but I didn't see that.

Drags can take comfort that they were able to meet a serious challenge from Scorps and win without playing very well, that being the mark of a good side, which they unquestionably are. They will need to do better to beat the PLA this weekend, though (of which more anon). For Scorps, the manner in which they played will have done much to restore their morale, which was in the doldrums after a run of disappointing results since their miraculous victory against Valley.

There is no game for Scorps this weekend, but unbeaten Drags taken on the PLA in what should be the sternest test of the season so far. PLA are a strong side who bested Drags in the Dvision One table last year and a trip to our colonial-looking little bastion will no doubt get them all a-flutter with patriotic zeal. They have big guys and will use them to carry the ball very directly, taking passes from both the scrum half and fly half. The key for Drags will be tackling as these guys will run and run all day. It will also be vital for Drags to play structured, discplined rugby and to not kick the ball mindlessly. PLA have some tremendous broken play runners in the back three that can rip Drags apart if they lose their shape. Based on previous form, however, PLA will not have the tactial nous to defeat a team playing well-structured, patient rugby, though.

See you at training this evening.
Harps