Drags v Scorps - a jolly afternoon

Evening all

Bit of, er, fun on Saturday for Dragons and Scorpions (final score around 35-12 to Drags but don't quote me on that). Scorps came out firing with all the guts and application you would expect from a team bearing that name, and from any team billed as the underdog in an intra-HKFC derby. Drags may not be happy with the manner of their victory but they walked away league champs after Valley succumbed to PLA 23-20.

In particular, I would like to offer the front-rower's salute to the men of the Scorps front row: Messrs Wong, Nazer, Kim and Browne, who fronted up admirably. While Drags had the upper hand in the scrummage, this determined band and the rest of the Scorps pack tested them every step of the way - and came back at the Drags with interest on occasion.

Apart from that, it was a scrappy, aggressive, niggly and rather disjointed match, full of venom but strangely muted as a contest compared to some of the Scorps v Drags superclasicos of old. I don't think the referee enjoyed it either - he kept blowing his whistle to try and liven it up. I tried to cheer him up a bit by asking what was the only thing worse than refereeing a club side? Refereeing two of course. But he wasn't really in the mood for my outstanding banter so I let it drop.

The game was really only notable for being Andy Boucher's last match for HKFC - for the Bouchers are off to the USA - and for the debut of a young man from New Zealand called Sam, who terrorised the Scorps from number eight and who I doubt will be playing much more for Dragons if he stays in Hong Kong. Sam is a friendly, amiable soul unless you happen to be anywhere near him on a rugby pitch as part of the opposing team. Then he would be better named Samageddon. After a few contact situations with him on Monday in which I came off marginally second best, I would counsel a very low body position and the advantage of a long run-up to his future opponents. But he seems like a bl*ody useful chap to have on your side, so welcome, Sam.

Furthermore, a strong Select side also celebrated victory in Division 3, beating Macau 25-21, while Sequins were likewise crowned champs in Division 4 with a hefty win over Causeway Bay.

Harps

Contempts back in action

HKFC's most serious (drinking) team got back into action last night and apparently beat a Valley Side known as Old Forbetonians for some reason that Bouch or Babis can probably explain. Lammo didn't include the score in his missive, but he did send out a picture, which is much better. Note the normal Contempts preponderance of front rows (I spy Wong, Rudolph, Babis and Sultan Asif Iqbal ibn Nazir...alright that's only four). Oh and there's a grinning, bald man on the right of the back row who's above average height for a Welshman. Why isn't he playing? Even Bouch played in this game. No excuses Sexton. And as for the shirt...aaaiiiyaaa.

I would gladly have joined the Contempts' happy ranks myself had it not been for an aggravated groin strain picked up during a critical game of mixed touch rugby on Monday and the joyful occasion of Grewers' wedding banquet, which was a very upmarket affair (unlike his stag) at the Intercontinental. Grewers impressed all present by getting through a lengthy speech in apparently passable Cantonese and caused some obvious introspection among some of the Club boys there when he told his beautiful wife Stefanie that he loved her more than rugby... Unfortunately Stobart tried to hijack the event, as usual, by joining the family group and wishing guests goodnight as they left the banquet but he was soon exposed as a fraud due to his scant resemblance to the members of either family. We left Mr and Mrs Grewers to a beauty treatment in their palatial bridal suite at about 1am after a tremendous evening.

I think there's Union Sevens for Club on Saturday and then Professions Sevens on Sunday, but it's a silly game so I'm not going to write about it.

Have a lovely weekend.
Harps

Of Scorpions and Soldiers

Far right: an Iraqi scorpion; considerably less fierce than its HKFC counterparts

Near right: Select head out for a night on the town - sorry - it's our brave protectors, the PLA

Afternoon Gents. It's Thursday. That means it will be Friday tomorrow, which is good, although not as good as the fact that Saturday will follow shortly afterwards.

First of all, some thoughts on the Scorps v Drags clash last Satutrday which, as you will no doubt know, finished 25-7 to Drags.

Frankly (and I write as a Drags player), that scoreline rather flattered the Dragons. Scorps came out with the fire and intensity of old and took control of much of the game. It never looked like first place playing last place in the division. Rob Gabbe, as ever, tackled like his life depended on it and smashed everything in sight. Despite being under pressure in the scrum from the massive Naylor-Cowhead-Babis front row (potentially the heaviest in Club history?), Scorps secured good possession for their backs through sheer tenacity and allowed Dave Beckett time to slot some effective kicks to the corners. By the way, after the exit of the indomitable Yutaka Yuzawa, Scorps played with a novel three-hooker front row consisting of Messrs 'Absinthe' Lawson, Sheren and Ali Iqbal Sharif Nazir, who was something of a revelation at tighthead, according to his learned opponents. In the keenly-awaited battle of the scrum halves, dare I say that Duncan Grewcock shaded Phil Reid this time? Although Phil was entirely sound, Grewers was full of pace, energy and ambition and seemed determined to make a point (as he did later at his Stag...)

Scorps took a deserved lead midway through the first half after a direct run from their new lock who's quite good (but whose name remains unknown to me) exposed the uncharacteristically hesitant and fragile Drags defence. Unfortunately for Scorps, they quickly conceded a soft intercepted try to Simon Shoebridge which was duly converted by Adam Raby. For those who are interested, unemployed former student Raby can frequently be seen getting on it in Taco Loco by the escalator with a bunch of other neophytes. Why they choose to go there is a mystery to me, although some of his female friends aren't bad.

As then game went on, Scorps continued to impress with their industry and application to the task, but frustratingly conceded another soft try. First of all, the Scorps back three failed to gather an innocuous-looking bouncing kick just inside their half and were ambushed by Drags winger Ed Johnson, who flew through, gathered and streaked away to the try line with the Scorps defenders trailing in his wake. Tim (little) Robinson crossed for another try to settle the matter late in the game, but I didn't see that.

Drags can take comfort that they were able to meet a serious challenge from Scorps and win without playing very well, that being the mark of a good side, which they unquestionably are. They will need to do better to beat the PLA this weekend, though (of which more anon). For Scorps, the manner in which they played will have done much to restore their morale, which was in the doldrums after a run of disappointing results since their miraculous victory against Valley.

There is no game for Scorps this weekend, but unbeaten Drags taken on the PLA in what should be the sternest test of the season so far. PLA are a strong side who bested Drags in the Dvision One table last year and a trip to our colonial-looking little bastion will no doubt get them all a-flutter with patriotic zeal. They have big guys and will use them to carry the ball very directly, taking passes from both the scrum half and fly half. The key for Drags will be tackling as these guys will run and run all day. It will also be vital for Drags to play structured, discplined rugby and to not kick the ball mindlessly. PLA have some tremendous broken play runners in the back three that can rip Drags apart if they lose their shape. Based on previous form, however, PLA will not have the tactial nous to defeat a team playing well-structured, patient rugby, though.

See you at training this evening.
Harps

Table Surfing at Dave Sheikh Ali Yusuf bin Fadil Nazir's birthday party (originally known as Grewers' Stag) - the Abridged Version

"Hello and welcome to the fifth inaugural HKFC Table Surfing Tournament held once again at Shaffi's Malik Restaurant, Wan Chai Road on the occasion of Dave 'Arab' Nazer's birthday. The tables are greased with vaseline, the participants are totally hammered and stewards are holding back the traffic out in the road to allow them a good long run up, so let's get to the action [commotion at the back of the commentary booth]...sorry ladies and gentlemen, that's Grewers and he just wants to be noticed. Fortunately he can't speak because there's gaffer tape around his mouth and Phil Reid will smash the egg taped to his forehead if he gets out of hand.

Our first contestant is Dazzling Darien Bradshaw of Australia, who's sporting the traditional 'pants and shoes only look.' Here comes Dazzler from out on the road, crowds of passers-by are cheering him on and OUCH! he's completely failed to get through the doorway. Medics are rushing over, but I think that's the last we'll be seeing of Bradshaw in this competition.

Next at the starting line is Nicholas 'Knickerless' James, the Welsh tyro from the Valleys and noted ladies' man. The stewards have had to prevail on James to put on some pants - he's made a very strong argument that complete nudity delivers maximum aerodynamic effect (and added that he really likes the feeling of his tackle sliding across the greasy tables), but the jusges are unimpressed. Here comes now, accelerating to his full speed of a moderate jog in the road, vaulting off the chair and -- whoosh there he goes! Past the five table mark, up to the nine table mark, his faithful man-bag trailing behind him at all times...and there he comes to a halt. The chutney-covered peanuts laid on the table by saboteurs have covered his chest in nasty welts, but he's happy, so happy. Listen to him sing...yes, it's the English version of the Welsh national anthem that sounds just the same as the Welsh long as you don't laugh!

My hen laid a haddock, one hand oiled a flea,
Glad farts and centurions threw dogs in the sea,
I could stew a hare here and brandish Dan's flan,
Don's ruddy bog's blocked up with sand.

Dad! Dad! Why don't you oil Auntie Glad?
Can whores appear in beer bottle pies,
O butter the hens as they fly!

Thanks to Nick James for that. Now then, our last contestant is the birthday boy himself [more muffled shouting, sounds of bouncing off the walls]....oh no! It's Grewers again! He's somehow loose from his punishment chair! No Grewers! Don't throw that rice everywhere! It's not our falt you disowned your Stag do! Well, actually, we're all enjoying Nazer's birthday now. Ah, thank goodness! Here's Phil Reid, who's giving Grewers a proper schooling now, as ever. I don't think we'll have any more trouble from him.

So, here is Nazir, standing tense and focused at the starting line like a half-naked jihadi. Off he goes, what a leap! He's absolutely flying down the tables...he's past James at 10, he's past 12, he's reaching the end of the track and he's still motoring! He's flying off the end, ladies and gentlemen, hurtling headfirst into the bar, sending glasses and popadoms flying. Is he alright? yes, he's up, he's smiling, he knows he's won! That's the commitment you need at this level. Let's talk to the big man.

Salaam aleykum Dave and congratulations!
Thanks. This is the proudest day of my life. If only Sheren could have been here so I could have beaten him too.

What is the secret of your success?
Being heavier than my opponents. It's elementary physics old chap.

Do you have anything to say to your fans?
Would you like to buy some jewellry? I've got some lovely pendants just in. Your missus would love 'em mate. Tell you what, I'll do you three for...

Thanks Dave and goodnight.

Harps