Nomads wander into Dragons' den

Above: Unfortunately Nomads' tackling wasn't this good. Yes I know the photo is from the previous week. But it's a great action shot of Shane and I don't have any from the Nomads game. Photo: Jacky Yeung

Allow Dragons' own Murray Sargant bring you up to speed with a fine performance on Saturday. I have just two things to add:

- The Nomads were a decent bunch of blokes and it was great that we got them back to the Sportsmans for a pint or two. Given the facilities we have, there is no excuse for not doing this every time we play. Teams with Frenchmen in them are always entertaining. When I asked the guy in the beret and the 'Allez France' t-shirt (or similar) where he was from, he didn't get the joke at all. Ah you rozbifs with your ridiculouse comedie Anglaise...

- The dinner in Shaffi's was a classic and we look forward to the next social after the Scorps game. My moment of the dinner came shortly after we arrived when Andy Noble looked around in puzzlement and then said: "What are we going to do about all the civilians in here?"

Now for the Muzzmeister. If you want a summary, here is his own: "In summary we smashed them."

In a one sided encounter Nomads experienced what it was really like to be in the 2nd Division in Hong Kong. To be fair to Nomads in the second half they did start to play better and they never gave up but overall a convincing and emphatic win for football clubs second team.

Right from the get go Nomads new it was going to be a long afternoon. I was still strapping Andy Noble on the side lines when the first try was scored. I would estimate 40 seconds into the game. From that point onwards the flood gates opened and the rampaging Drags forwards were in particularly devastating form.

Lead from the front by Richard Gallagher and Adam Harper we had a field day in the first half. Gallagher in particular made at least five huge barnstorming runs up the middle of the park which earned him our man of the match award. Congratulations Richard. The Drags forwards dominated! and we had fantastic ball again from the lineout all day. Alasdair is throwing superbly and Graham and Ollie are two of the best jumpers in the club based on current form.

From the back row lead well by our fearless leader and captain Marcus Neil the Nomads defenses were breached on nearly every rushing attack. Well done to Hayden Giordine on his Drags debut and for scoring two excellent tries and also two great tries to Ollie Jones demonstrated well how dominating our backrow was on the day. Also with Alex Charter and Graham Fleming in the engine room and jumping in the lineout our lineout and scrum dominated, winning multiple feeds against the head and many of their line outs. In summary we smashed them.

Our new look backline with Rob Naylor (Junior) at scrum with the addition of Stewart McGraw at centre and Tim Robinson at fullback linked well with Leon Scott, Callum and Shane Harmon and the ever vocal general of the Drags backline Robin Bredbury. Robin and Junior both had good games and had to cover more ground than usual on Saturday as more than five of the seven, first half tries were over six phases of play. Also worthy of note was Callum Nieto's superb kicking display in the first half slotting over seven from seven and scoring three tries, so in total a 29 point haul for the day. Well done.

With the second half came some fresh legs, with Junior retiring after a face full of the great valley sand pit. An old Nomad trick that one. Replaced by Andy Noble, Andy was industrious as always and continued to get the ball out to Robin all afternoon. More substitutions with Yutaka Yazawa, David Price, Charles French, Gareth Wilde and Gordon Marsden all coming on in the second half and playing well. To be fair they had all played a full game for Scorps so we appreciated the extra effort for staying around for us after their game.

To be fair to Nomads they stepped up a gear in the second half but still Drags managed five more tries and Robin took over the kicking late in the day to slot our single conversion of the second half. To be fair Callum's second half kicks were all from the side lines with most of the tries coming from out wide.

In the end a great Drags win with a 76 to 0 score line. To date Drags have amassed an impressive 121 points in three games while only conceding the one try. An impressive start to the season.

We now have the weekend off but training is still on this week. Following some southern hemisphere rugby this weekend we will be taking on Scorps in what should b e a huge local darby. Both teams always lift when playing each other so we will have to have our best game for them in two weeks time.

Table Surfing at Dave Sheikh Ali Yusuf bin Fadil Nazir's birthday party (originally known as Grewers' Stag) - the Abridged Version

"Hello and welcome to the fifth inaugural HKFC Table Surfing Tournament held once again at Shaffi's Malik Restaurant, Wan Chai Road on the occasion of Dave 'Arab' Nazer's birthday. The tables are greased with vaseline, the participants are totally hammered and stewards are holding back the traffic out in the road to allow them a good long run up, so let's get to the action [commotion at the back of the commentary booth]...sorry ladies and gentlemen, that's Grewers and he just wants to be noticed. Fortunately he can't speak because there's gaffer tape around his mouth and Phil Reid will smash the egg taped to his forehead if he gets out of hand.

Our first contestant is Dazzling Darien Bradshaw of Australia, who's sporting the traditional 'pants and shoes only look.' Here comes Dazzler from out on the road, crowds of passers-by are cheering him on and OUCH! he's completely failed to get through the doorway. Medics are rushing over, but I think that's the last we'll be seeing of Bradshaw in this competition.

Next at the starting line is Nicholas 'Knickerless' James, the Welsh tyro from the Valleys and noted ladies' man. The stewards have had to prevail on James to put on some pants - he's made a very strong argument that complete nudity delivers maximum aerodynamic effect (and added that he really likes the feeling of his tackle sliding across the greasy tables), but the jusges are unimpressed. Here comes now, accelerating to his full speed of a moderate jog in the road, vaulting off the chair and -- whoosh there he goes! Past the five table mark, up to the nine table mark, his faithful man-bag trailing behind him at all times...and there he comes to a halt. The chutney-covered peanuts laid on the table by saboteurs have covered his chest in nasty welts, but he's happy, so happy. Listen to him sing...yes, it's the English version of the Welsh national anthem that sounds just the same as the Welsh long as you don't laugh!

My hen laid a haddock, one hand oiled a flea,
Glad farts and centurions threw dogs in the sea,
I could stew a hare here and brandish Dan's flan,
Don's ruddy bog's blocked up with sand.

Dad! Dad! Why don't you oil Auntie Glad?
Can whores appear in beer bottle pies,
O butter the hens as they fly!

Thanks to Nick James for that. Now then, our last contestant is the birthday boy himself [more muffled shouting, sounds of bouncing off the walls]....oh no! It's Grewers again! He's somehow loose from his punishment chair! No Grewers! Don't throw that rice everywhere! It's not our falt you disowned your Stag do! Well, actually, we're all enjoying Nazer's birthday now. Ah, thank goodness! Here's Phil Reid, who's giving Grewers a proper schooling now, as ever. I don't think we'll have any more trouble from him.

So, here is Nazir, standing tense and focused at the starting line like a half-naked jihadi. Off he goes, what a leap! He's absolutely flying down the tables...he's past James at 10, he's past 12, he's reaching the end of the track and he's still motoring! He's flying off the end, ladies and gentlemen, hurtling headfirst into the bar, sending glasses and popadoms flying. Is he alright? yes, he's up, he's smiling, he knows he's won! That's the commitment you need at this level. Let's talk to the big man.

Salaam aleykum Dave and congratulations!
Thanks. This is the proudest day of my life. If only Sheren could have been here so I could have beaten him too.

What is the secret of your success?
Being heavier than my opponents. It's elementary physics old chap.

Do you have anything to say to your fans?
Would you like to buy some jewellry? I've got some lovely pendants just in. Your missus would love 'em mate. Tell you what, I'll do you three for...

Thanks Dave and goodnight.

Harps