Marc Sexton's former career revealed...

If you read Tony's ramblings below, you may enjoy these delightful pictures of Sexton's glistening dome (ho ho ho) and a nice shot from when he used to present The Crystal Maze (which will be familiar to readers from the Motherland).

Let's smash PLA tomorrow (and Abderdeen).

Harps

The Captain's article the Club Magazine would not publish

Well who reads it anyway?

From Das Kapitan, Anthony George...

You know, it’s not easy being the Captain of the Rugby Section. Especially when one is also a fully active member of the ninja community. I mean, you have to sit in committee meetings and listen to the likes of Woots and Foley wittering on about how it was better in their day (Hong Kong was a great place under Queen Victoria, apparently); you are held responsible for every minor indiscretion committed by a rugby player after over-imbibation regardless of whether or not it was you (Er, it generally is you – Ed.); the forwards moan that the kit’s too tight, while the backs moan that it doesn’t really go with their eyes, can we have a lighter shade next year please?; and, worst of all, comes a moment like this. Once a month, you sit down to write an article for the Club magazine, filling the avid reader (yes, there is one, apparently) in on what’s happened over the previous month. Except. This month, nothing has happened. No games, no tours, no amusing anecdotes, no momentous RFU decisions, even Kibble’s stayed out of trouble. Nada. When you read this in two weeks’ time, lots of interesting stuff will have happened – Ten’s Dinner, nail biting League encounters, Q smiling – well, maybe not the last one, but you get the idea. But in the here and now, right this instant, rien.
However, I am aware of my duty to keep the loyal readership informed (him again) so, to that end, I have prevailed upon our very own Section Psychic and coach of the Dragons, none other than Mystic Marc Sexton, to gaze into his Crystal Dome and give us his predictions for the coming month. So, without further ado, here’s the chat I had with him reproduced for your edification:

Tony: Hello Mystic Marc, how’re things? Good Christmas?
Mystic Marc: Great thanks, Tone. Had a smashing break.
T: So, don’t keep us in suspense. What’s in store for us in the coming month? And didn’t you write a hit musical, sell it for a pittance and eke out an existence presenting a really bad Channel 4 quiz show?
MM: Quiz show? What are you talking about? Hang on while I get my Crystal Dome ready. Pass me that mirror. Right, here we go. You ready? Because once I enter the spirit world…
T: Yeah, I’ve seen what happens when you enter the spirit world, especially if it’s rum, and no one wants that again.
MM: No, not that spirit world, muppet. Right, first prediction: Ben Stobart to miss more drop goals than he hits.
T: Not sure you had to be psychically gifted to see that one, Mystic Marc. And weren’t you one half of a two-hit wonder duo that had a smash hit singing something about their shirt?
MM: Eh? Oh well, another prediction: Q to smile before Easter.
T: Steady on there Mystic Marc! That’s a gutsy call! And didn’t you play an evil, murderous robot in a film set in a Wild West theme park?
MM: What? Oh, another prediction: Robin Bredbury to become a fully qualified psychotherapist specialising in anger management. And qualify as a referee.
T: Are you sure you know what you’re doing, Mystic Marc? And didn’t you sing a hit song about nothing comparing to someone and then jack it all in to become a priest?
MM: Stop asking me stupid questions. More predictions:
PT McGee to attend self confidence classes to bring him out of his shell more
The Dragons to spark a major diplomatic incident whilst playing the PLA in Guanzhou
Sam Cooper, Select Captain, to renounce meat as murder and become vegetarian
Tony George to write a good article for the magazine instead of the tosh we’ve had to put up with so far
T: Right, well think we’d better call it a day there, eh Mystic Marc?

Meet the Old Boys #4 - Jim Rowark

Bouch - Jim Rowark's favourite player. Bouch in action in Manila, 2005. Top: Bouch in
hot pursuit of someone who looks certain to be a little quicker. Bottom: Bouch flaps at a lineout while your correspondent tries to put his head where it should not go.

Yes, it's meet the Old Boys with Broony again. This time we meet Jim Rowark, a stalwart of the Club whose image appears in nearly every 1970s, 1980s and 1990s team photograph in the tunnel and a commonsense Englishman - the first among this crop of middle-aged delinquents.

Name: Jim Rowark
Age: Younger than springtime
Occupation: Retired
Nationality: English
Rugby Position: Flanker (or as it was called when I played, “wing forward”)
Years at Club: 30 plus
Previous Rugby Clubs: Old Thornensians, Cambridge University, Redruth
Favourite thing about HK rugby: Touring with good friends and listening to Foley, both are highly amusing.
Current favourite Club player and why: Bouch. Never a dull moment watching Bouch, ranging from tragedy to comedy.
Most embarrassing spectating rugby experience? 1998 England v Australia at Brisbane. Score England 0, Australia 76. I was at the Park Hotel, Manila in the company of Woots, Burgess and sundry other Australian “gentlemen”. Morgs and I refused to leave our room.
Wanchai or Manila? Hard to decide. However, Manila on “The Wootten” is very hard to beat.
Sequins Corner or the Sportsman’s? Sequin’s Corner. There are plenty of characters in the "older we get the better we were" category, which makes for interesting commentary on the day’s events.
HKFC 10s or the HKRFU 7s? Not wanting to appear disloyal to the Club (I did play/coach the Club team in the inaugural 10s) but the 7s has a special place in my rugby memories
Drinks with Woots or shopping with the wife? The latter is safer and only marginally more expensive but nowhere near as much fun.
Marilyn Monroe or Sophia Loren? I have always been an admirer of the sultry, Mediterranean looks of Sophia Loren but Marilyn Monroe could always come on as an “impact player” when Sophia began to tire.

Long shot....

Alright, this is phenomenal misuse of the blog and also a bit of a long shot, but does anyone have a pair of dinner jacket/tuxedo trousers situated in central/mid-levels that I could borrow? Have to go to an awards dinner tonight and mine are trapped in the dry cleaners after Saturday's escapades.  I will stand dinner at the Club and a pint to any generous (and large-waisted) character that comes forward. Please email adam.harper@asia.ing.com thanks,  Harps

 

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Blog goes kind of hi-tech-ish

Gentlemen

Courtesy of Mr James Shum, it is my pleasure to offer these links to footage of two (Club...) tries from the Club v Valley game. Enjoy!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HF_g4DuLMMw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBYSTDxLRM8

Harps

How to survive playing rugby in Guangzhou

A fine day for a bike ride in downtown Guangzhou

An Idiot's Guide to Playing Rugby in Guangzhou

This weekend's the Drags will head to Guangzhou to take on the noble soldiers of the PLA. It's a crucial game - Drags have an unbeaten record to maintain and, after only narrowly beating the PLA on home turf, they know they will have their work cut out on their mainland trip. Many Drags will be on their first rugby pilgrimage to sunny GZ, however, and 'we' at the Blog decided it would be helpful to give them an idea of what to expect. Suffice to say, HKFC it is not.

Meeting for the Trip

Traumatised at the prospect of having to abandon home comforts and head into Red China, players will say long and tearful goodbyes to the nearest and dearest, arriving at HKFC approximately 5-10 minutes after the scheduled departure time (except me Murray). There will then be further delays as items as retrieved from the changing rooms and people have last minute bowel evacuations - bathroom facilities will be scarce and highly variable from here on in. Don't be alarmed by the delays, they are essential for causing a mad rush at...

Hung Hom Station

Ah, the Hong Kong bridgehead for China's rail network. From here, you can join the iron bloodstream of China and travel as far as Harbin, Urumqi or even Lhasa. Not us, though, we're going to Guangzhou. There will be further delays here as latecomers roll up and those who can't afford to live on the Island drift along. There will be just time to eat the local delicacy - a 7-11 cream bun - before the team boards the train en masse as the whistle blows. Train departs Hong Kong with the esky trapped between the sliding doors, players frantically trying to pull it in.

Your outward train journey

Sit back. Relax. You're on your way to China now. Marvel at the fortifications around the river at Lo Wu and enjoy a glimpse of China's capital of culture and plastics manufacturing, Shenzhen. After you leave Shenzhen, play a game of count the factories with your friends. Bizarrely they all look empty, which makes you wonder where Hong Kong's air pollution is coming from. It's probably really just Nigel Hobler barbecueing a couple of steers for dinner in Happy Valley.

On the way, why not?

- Have a cup of weapons-grade coffee

- Devour a bowl of tepid noodles with offal

- Snigger at the prospect of Stobart's misery on his Stag

Arrival in GZ

File off train in drips and drabs. Look on in disbelief as your healthy pre-match bananas are sniffed out by a dog and seized by customs (you will get a receipt though). Chortle at the sign that says "Absolutely to Pulverise the Smuggles, Illegal Crimes and Other Lavatorial Behaviours". Fill out entry form, enter China. Now you're ready to play rugby!

The match

Well, this is why you came. The PLA forwards - who seem to be entirely drawn from parts of Northern China where men spend all day moving boulders around by hand - will try and smash the cr*p out of you, while a bunch of lethally quick backs attempt to run rings around you. That's their plan anyway. The PLA are very decent outfit, even if Dinks' suggestion that they have the best lineout in Asia bar the Japanese national team was a bit of a push, and they will offer Drags a stern challenge.

For those used to playing on HKFC's delightful carpet, you're in for a shock. Some nearby agriculturalist would seem to have had a go at it with a moderately effective plough. It would also appear that a number of budding gardeners from among the local population have turned up to pinch small amounts of topsoil in the middle of the night, leaving foot-sized holes all over the surface. Add to that a profusion of worms who have surfaced to have a look around and an assortment of other organic (need I specify?) and non-organic (use your imagination) detritus and you can see why the Chinese name for the ground translates as "Brownish-green coloured field where you have to be bl*ody careful." Actually it doesn't. But it should.

Post-match

When you finish playing, don't be at all alarmed if several hundred Chinese soldiers emerge in formation carrying little wooden stools. Since the EU lifted its arms embargo on China, they can get hold of better weapons than that, so they will not be using the stools to attack you. No, these boys have actually come for an outdoor lesson in how to millitarily thwart the capitalist-roaders of Taiwan province and other enemies of the revolution. They will merely sit on the stools and will do you no harm. Under no circumstances should you have a shower. I don't want to be rude, but you'll see why. The Chinese military clearly have bigger priorities than the provision of humane washing facilities for their rank and file. Instead, take a change of clothese and get changed wherever you please (there are no changing rooms so they obviously don't mind). Then hustle back for the train station and the safety of dear old Honkers.

Before departure

Go to McDonald's and secure 25-30 Big Macs for a team dinner (remember how these look as you will be seeing them later). Go to the 7-11, try in vain to persuade them to accept HKD, and then purchase their entire stock of beer plus one or two bottles of Mao Tai, China's delicious rice wine on someone's credit card. Scramble though customs and immigration and hop onto the train. Congratulations - you survived! Or did you..

Your return journey

Now comes your punishment, or reward, depending on how you look at it. A monstrous fines session should kick off on the train with someone of a notably bitter and vengeful character (Bouch?) presiding. Watch as other passengers complain to the train staff when you open the rice win and the whole carriage smells like someone is painting the walls. Enjoy the challenge of digesting a Big Mac and four sculled tins inside 10 minutes. See Raby comatose within an hour. See Babis asleep within two. Then redecorate the bathroom yourself and attempt feebly to clean up by swilling water on the floor. Bowl down to the dining carriage and have a pint of Tsingtao and a smoke. By the time you get back to HK, you'll be the most popular guys on the train.

You have just toured GZ!

Harps

They only did it...

CBRE Club 26 - 19 Crown Valley

Well they only went and did it, didn't they? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Club turned over Valley on Saturday evening with a performance of tremendous intensity, characterised by dogged determination and illuminated by lengthy periods of top-class rugby. Make no mistake, this is as well as Club have played this season - and against a good Valley team whose desire to fight back against their old enemy after two previous defeats was all to obvious. But it was Club's day and, although they must win at least two more games to make the title safe, they demonstrated beyond all reasonable doubt on Saturday that they are the dominant force in Hong Kong rugby. Let the joy be unconfined...

This was never going to be easy, but Angus Washington calmed Club's nerves from the very start, using his considerable height and presence to claim a fine Aussie Rules-style catch from the kick-off - an achievement he repeated again and again throughout the game. From there, Club moved straight into top gear, putting pressure on Valley in their own 22. The set-piece started well and remained superior all evening, as Spizziri, Cameron and Hobler laid down the law against a very solid Valley front row. Add to this Valley's inability to contest line-out ball thrown to one of the world's less likely jumpers - the admirable Tim Edgar at the back of the line - and Pat Foreman realised he could initiate a pragmatic positional kicking game, safe in the knowledge that the forwards had the better of their opposite numbers.

But Club's game would go further than this. Ruck ball was won more quickly and securely, in my view, than at any time previously this season and Foreman was able to release Club's classy backline on several occasions. Richard Rouse looked sharp at centre, but it was the full-back Mike McKee who crossed for Club's first score early in the second half. At that point, Club were in the box seat and Valley looked nervous - their outside half Judd was played into constant trouble by a string of passes under pressure that bounced like dambuster bombs and had to be collected around his ankles as the Club back row zeroed in on him.

Write Valley off at your peril, though, especially when they are playing HKFC. After McKee's score, the reds managed to break up the pattern of Club's game and to thrive in a more chaotic environment. Suddenly Club were turned by breakaways and hack-throughs and before you know it, Valley had scored twice and converted once, giving them 12 points to Club's 5. However, Club stemmed the tide, regrouped and were able to hit back with a Mike McKee penalty and a cool 40-yard drop goal from Foreman on the stroke of half time. It was 12-11 to Valley at the turn, but Club were regaining the momentum.

Club knew the game was theirs to win, but that it was crucial to retain their shape against a Valley team intent on playing a disruptive game. They came out carrying and rucking ferociously, generating the momentum that allowed Rouse to bounce off several would-be tacklers to score under the posts early in the half. McKee converted to make it 18-12. Advantage Club, but still not a safe game by any means. It would be unfair to single out any single player, but Club played 30 minutes of wonderfully committed, aggressive and controlled rugby in the second half - even when down to 14 men after Tim Griffin, whose workrate had been second to none, was rather unfortunately yellow-carded for a high tackle. Replacements were also critical with Rupert "Churchie" Clark and Dean Finnegan coming off the bench to play their part. Club put the game away perhaps 10 minutes from the end when a long period of pressure close to the Valley line ended in Colin Begg (another replacement) scampering over in the corner. With another McKee penalty, that gave Club a 26-12 lead.

Once again, Valley refused to lie down and die. Instead they came back firing, scoring a converted try to make it 26-19 and camping on the Club line as injury time went on, and on, and on. Desperate tackling denied Valley their great escape, however, and Club supporters' palpitations were soon replaced by sheer joy at a great performance which marked an unprecedented 3-0 whitewash of Valley in 2007-08. Celebrations are premature as the season is not yet finished, and in any case should be tempered by the loss of No. 8 Rob Mills with an anterior cruciate ligament injury, but Club have stepped up a level here and the rest of HK rugby must be wondering how they can counter the resurgence of a Club that has been so often (and so wrongly) derided as pampered, soft and undermotivated. The Empire Strikes Back? Let's hope so. Bring on Aberdeen next Saturday...

More to come on Scorps, Drags v PLA this weekend and A Guide to Playing Rugby in Guangzhou...

Harps

It Matters Now

First of all, apologies for a very disappointing blogging output this week. I have tried to persuade my bosses that I add value by posting these musings on the noble game of rugby, but they remain far from convinced. Indeed, they remain far from convinced that I add value at all...

But here I am and here we are with the match of the season ahead of us tomorrow. This fixture is the pinnacle of rugby in Hong Kong: it's our answer to Lewis v Tyson at boxing, England v Australia at cricket and the Ryder Cup - all rolled into one. It's Club v Valley, live and exclusive at HKFC, 6pm. The very prospect is enough to get the blood going...

Yes, we are very different Clubs. Yes, you can argue that we are the "establishment," with our superb facilities and large player base, and that they are the "alternative establishment" with a similarly large number of players and a very strong social aspect. Indeed, people from both sides would make a number different claims for their own sides and criticisms of the other. For as long as I have been playing against Valley for HKFC, the rallying call has always been a reminder that this is Valley we're facing here boys so pull your finger out. This kind of local tension is natural but none of it really explains why this rivalry - and tomorrow's fixture - are so important.

All that counts here is that Club and Valley have the best two rugby union teams in Hong Kong, and that they are each other's true benchmarks. The hot air and cultural rubbish can go out of the window. Club and Valley know tomorrow's game is the biggest challenge available in the Territory as teams and for individual players. That's why it matters so much.

For Club, tomorrow will represent the biggest test of the season. They could still very well go on to win the league even if they lose, but it will have given Valley a sniff after two successive defeats this season by Club. A win, on the other hand, will have an effect that would be greater than the sum of the points received. To use a boxing analogy, a win would make Club the undisputed champion by virture of an unprecedented three knock-out victories against their opponent this season. It will serve notice of Club's superiority to the rest of Division One and effectively close off the season. Lose, and Club will have hard work to do for the rest of the season, the more so if the loss is bad.

In Other News: All Black great Ian Jones stopped by to help Club with their training session last night. The big man gave the forwards some great insights into line-out play, including tactics for bringing down the line-out jumper - something I had never even thought about (once they're up, they can look after themselves...). However, Jones had met his match in his Club equivalent, Tim Griffin. "When you're going straight up at two," Griffin informed the most-capped New Zealand lock in history, "it's all about speed."

Dragons scraped past Aberdeen 17-12 in a scrappy old game last Saturday, Scorpions put up a much-improved performance against PLA. Drags were somewhat ragged after the Christmas and New Year break and played some pretty brainless rugby at times (myself included - I promise NEVER, EVER to try a miss-pass again). Drags will need to work hard if they are to continue their unbeaten run against a strong PLA outfit next weekend and are not helped by the absence of a fixture tomorrow, although several players are likely to have game-time for Club.

The Tens Dinner tomorrow night promises to be great smash (especially if we beat Valley) - hope to see you there!

Harps

CBRE Club v Crown Valley
HKFC, 19 January 2008, 6pm

1. Pete Spizzirri
2. Tom Cameron
3. Nigel Hobler
4. Angus Washington
5. Tim Griffin
6. Rupert Clarke
7. Tim Edgar
8. Robert Mills

9. Peter McKee
10. Pat Foreman
11. Callum Neito
12. Nigel D'Acre
13. Richard Rouse
14. Andrew Chambers
15. Mike McKee (AQ)

Replacements:

Adam Harper
Steve Matthew
Dean Finnegan
James Kibble
Tim Robinson
Adam Raby (AQ)
Colin Begg (AQ)

Meet another old boy...'The' Don Rider, #3

Another day, another old boy.

This bunch are about as shy and retiring as a pack of geordie lasses on a hen weekend in Corfu, but enough of my own little world and onto Don Rider's instead.

It's a little known fact that Evelyn Waugh based the character of Charles Ryder in Brideshead Revisited on Don. Little known because it's not actually true, although I'm sure Don would look good in a boater.

Broony, to whom thanks are due again, initially supplied the Blog with an unpublishable image for Don. Fortunately he relented and settled for a picture of Alexander Cruden (1700-1770), a loony Scot who was involved in publishing and chased women in an "importunate" manner. There is apparently some resemblance between the unfortunate Cruden (read all about him on http://www.electricscotland.com/history/other/cruden_alexander.htm) and our esteemed Don. I doubt this very much as I have never so much as seen Don out in the evening, still less anywhere where he could be importunate.

Less important rugby news will follow.
Harps

Name: Donald Rider
Age: 47 and a half
Year retired: 1997, but you never know...
Occupation: Assistant penguin trainer at Ocean Park
Nationality: Scottish
Rugby position: Flanker
Years at Club: 19
Previous rugby clubs: Middlesbrough, Northumberland, London Scottish and Hurworth Under 7s
Favourite things about HK rugby: Touring
Current favourite Club player and why? Laurence Denvir, because I know he doesn’t lose much sleep over which foot he should step off
Most embarrassing spectating rugby experience: Standing next to PT McGee
Wanchai or Manila? Bangkok
Sequins corner or The Sportsmans? Sequins – because it is nice to be the youngest
HKFC 10s or HKRFU 7s? 10s
Drinking with Woots or Shopping with the wife? Woots, because there is rumour he might buy me a beer

The Blog is Back for 2008...and meet Donagh Foley (Old Boy #2), if you dare

The only reason this odd photo of a ginger Irishman who finds it rather hard not to get yellow-carded at crucual moments in international matches is here is because Donagh wanted it to be.

Happy New Year to all

Hope 2008 is treating you well so far. After two weeks of idleness (sorry Q, I have been injured), it's back to the fray this weekend. More to come on that, but to keep you happy for now, the Blog is proud to offer everything you never wanted to know about our esteemed Section Chairman, Mr Donagh Foley. Goodness knows what he's on about half the time but never mind. Once again, many thanks to Broony, whose links in the criminal underworld have been invaluable in setting up these delightful 'Meet the Old Boys' numbers.

Harps

Name: Donagh Foley
Age: 45
Year retired: 1998
Years at Club: 18
Occupation: Shepherd
Nationality: Irish
Rugby position: Centre (outside Woots and he was shit!!!)
Previous clubs: Associates (Perth), Wimbledon and Bective Rangers
Favorite things about rugby: Watching Sequins try to play rugby and then talk about it afterwards as if they had.
Favorite current HKFC player and why? Nigel Hobler. He's slow and looks like he needs a good feed. Reminds me of Don Rider in his prime. Now all Nige has to do is get the limp right.
Most embarrassing rugby spectating experience: 1999 World Cup. A pint of Guiness. Wootten. Sick. Need I say more (a bit of a Matt Dunning moment)?
Wanchai or Manila? Neither, but ex-Chairman Rider speaks highly of both.
Sequins corner or Sportsman's? Sequins Corner, where there is more bullshit spoken in one hour than at the UN in a whole year.
HKFC 10s or HKRFU 7s? 10s
Drinking with Woots or shopping with the wife? Shopping with the wife as I hate rum.
Marilyn Munroe or Sophia Loren? Sophia Loren - a better class of bird or so Burgess told me and he should know, they’re the same age.