How to survive playing rugby in Guangzhou

A fine day for a bike ride in downtown Guangzhou

An Idiot's Guide to Playing Rugby in Guangzhou

This weekend's the Drags will head to Guangzhou to take on the noble soldiers of the PLA. It's a crucial game - Drags have an unbeaten record to maintain and, after only narrowly beating the PLA on home turf, they know they will have their work cut out on their mainland trip. Many Drags will be on their first rugby pilgrimage to sunny GZ, however, and 'we' at the Blog decided it would be helpful to give them an idea of what to expect. Suffice to say, HKFC it is not.

Meeting for the Trip

Traumatised at the prospect of having to abandon home comforts and head into Red China, players will say long and tearful goodbyes to the nearest and dearest, arriving at HKFC approximately 5-10 minutes after the scheduled departure time (except me Murray). There will then be further delays as items as retrieved from the changing rooms and people have last minute bowel evacuations - bathroom facilities will be scarce and highly variable from here on in. Don't be alarmed by the delays, they are essential for causing a mad rush at...

Hung Hom Station

Ah, the Hong Kong bridgehead for China's rail network. From here, you can join the iron bloodstream of China and travel as far as Harbin, Urumqi or even Lhasa. Not us, though, we're going to Guangzhou. There will be further delays here as latecomers roll up and those who can't afford to live on the Island drift along. There will be just time to eat the local delicacy - a 7-11 cream bun - before the team boards the train en masse as the whistle blows. Train departs Hong Kong with the esky trapped between the sliding doors, players frantically trying to pull it in.

Your outward train journey

Sit back. Relax. You're on your way to China now. Marvel at the fortifications around the river at Lo Wu and enjoy a glimpse of China's capital of culture and plastics manufacturing, Shenzhen. After you leave Shenzhen, play a game of count the factories with your friends. Bizarrely they all look empty, which makes you wonder where Hong Kong's air pollution is coming from. It's probably really just Nigel Hobler barbecueing a couple of steers for dinner in Happy Valley.

On the way, why not?

- Have a cup of weapons-grade coffee

- Devour a bowl of tepid noodles with offal

- Snigger at the prospect of Stobart's misery on his Stag

Arrival in GZ

File off train in drips and drabs. Look on in disbelief as your healthy pre-match bananas are sniffed out by a dog and seized by customs (you will get a receipt though). Chortle at the sign that says "Absolutely to Pulverise the Smuggles, Illegal Crimes and Other Lavatorial Behaviours". Fill out entry form, enter China. Now you're ready to play rugby!

The match

Well, this is why you came. The PLA forwards - who seem to be entirely drawn from parts of Northern China where men spend all day moving boulders around by hand - will try and smash the cr*p out of you, while a bunch of lethally quick backs attempt to run rings around you. That's their plan anyway. The PLA are very decent outfit, even if Dinks' suggestion that they have the best lineout in Asia bar the Japanese national team was a bit of a push, and they will offer Drags a stern challenge.

For those used to playing on HKFC's delightful carpet, you're in for a shock. Some nearby agriculturalist would seem to have had a go at it with a moderately effective plough. It would also appear that a number of budding gardeners from among the local population have turned up to pinch small amounts of topsoil in the middle of the night, leaving foot-sized holes all over the surface. Add to that a profusion of worms who have surfaced to have a look around and an assortment of other organic (need I specify?) and non-organic (use your imagination) detritus and you can see why the Chinese name for the ground translates as "Brownish-green coloured field where you have to be bl*ody careful." Actually it doesn't. But it should.

Post-match

When you finish playing, don't be at all alarmed if several hundred Chinese soldiers emerge in formation carrying little wooden stools. Since the EU lifted its arms embargo on China, they can get hold of better weapons than that, so they will not be using the stools to attack you. No, these boys have actually come for an outdoor lesson in how to millitarily thwart the capitalist-roaders of Taiwan province and other enemies of the revolution. They will merely sit on the stools and will do you no harm. Under no circumstances should you have a shower. I don't want to be rude, but you'll see why. The Chinese military clearly have bigger priorities than the provision of humane washing facilities for their rank and file. Instead, take a change of clothese and get changed wherever you please (there are no changing rooms so they obviously don't mind). Then hustle back for the train station and the safety of dear old Honkers.

Before departure

Go to McDonald's and secure 25-30 Big Macs for a team dinner (remember how these look as you will be seeing them later). Go to the 7-11, try in vain to persuade them to accept HKD, and then purchase their entire stock of beer plus one or two bottles of Mao Tai, China's delicious rice wine on someone's credit card. Scramble though customs and immigration and hop onto the train. Congratulations - you survived! Or did you..

Your return journey

Now comes your punishment, or reward, depending on how you look at it. A monstrous fines session should kick off on the train with someone of a notably bitter and vengeful character (Bouch?) presiding. Watch as other passengers complain to the train staff when you open the rice win and the whole carriage smells like someone is painting the walls. Enjoy the challenge of digesting a Big Mac and four sculled tins inside 10 minutes. See Raby comatose within an hour. See Babis asleep within two. Then redecorate the bathroom yourself and attempt feebly to clean up by swilling water on the floor. Bowl down to the dining carriage and have a pint of Tsingtao and a smoke. By the time you get back to HK, you'll be the most popular guys on the train.

You have just toured GZ!

Harps

Contempts back in action

HKFC's most serious (drinking) team got back into action last night and apparently beat a Valley Side known as Old Forbetonians for some reason that Bouch or Babis can probably explain. Lammo didn't include the score in his missive, but he did send out a picture, which is much better. Note the normal Contempts preponderance of front rows (I spy Wong, Rudolph, Babis and Sultan Asif Iqbal ibn Nazir...alright that's only four). Oh and there's a grinning, bald man on the right of the back row who's above average height for a Welshman. Why isn't he playing? Even Bouch played in this game. No excuses Sexton. And as for the shirt...aaaiiiyaaa.

I would gladly have joined the Contempts' happy ranks myself had it not been for an aggravated groin strain picked up during a critical game of mixed touch rugby on Monday and the joyful occasion of Grewers' wedding banquet, which was a very upmarket affair (unlike his stag) at the Intercontinental. Grewers impressed all present by getting through a lengthy speech in apparently passable Cantonese and caused some obvious introspection among some of the Club boys there when he told his beautiful wife Stefanie that he loved her more than rugby... Unfortunately Stobart tried to hijack the event, as usual, by joining the family group and wishing guests goodnight as they left the banquet but he was soon exposed as a fraud due to his scant resemblance to the members of either family. We left Mr and Mrs Grewers to a beauty treatment in their palatial bridal suite at about 1am after a tremendous evening.

I think there's Union Sevens for Club on Saturday and then Professions Sevens on Sunday, but it's a silly game so I'm not going to write about it.

Have a lovely weekend.
Harps

Of Scorpions and Soldiers

Far right: an Iraqi scorpion; considerably less fierce than its HKFC counterparts

Near right: Select head out for a night on the town - sorry - it's our brave protectors, the PLA

Afternoon Gents. It's Thursday. That means it will be Friday tomorrow, which is good, although not as good as the fact that Saturday will follow shortly afterwards.

First of all, some thoughts on the Scorps v Drags clash last Satutrday which, as you will no doubt know, finished 25-7 to Drags.

Frankly (and I write as a Drags player), that scoreline rather flattered the Dragons. Scorps came out with the fire and intensity of old and took control of much of the game. It never looked like first place playing last place in the division. Rob Gabbe, as ever, tackled like his life depended on it and smashed everything in sight. Despite being under pressure in the scrum from the massive Naylor-Cowhead-Babis front row (potentially the heaviest in Club history?), Scorps secured good possession for their backs through sheer tenacity and allowed Dave Beckett time to slot some effective kicks to the corners. By the way, after the exit of the indomitable Yutaka Yuzawa, Scorps played with a novel three-hooker front row consisting of Messrs 'Absinthe' Lawson, Sheren and Ali Iqbal Sharif Nazir, who was something of a revelation at tighthead, according to his learned opponents. In the keenly-awaited battle of the scrum halves, dare I say that Duncan Grewcock shaded Phil Reid this time? Although Phil was entirely sound, Grewers was full of pace, energy and ambition and seemed determined to make a point (as he did later at his Stag...)

Scorps took a deserved lead midway through the first half after a direct run from their new lock who's quite good (but whose name remains unknown to me) exposed the uncharacteristically hesitant and fragile Drags defence. Unfortunately for Scorps, they quickly conceded a soft intercepted try to Simon Shoebridge which was duly converted by Adam Raby. For those who are interested, unemployed former student Raby can frequently be seen getting on it in Taco Loco by the escalator with a bunch of other neophytes. Why they choose to go there is a mystery to me, although some of his female friends aren't bad.

As then game went on, Scorps continued to impress with their industry and application to the task, but frustratingly conceded another soft try. First of all, the Scorps back three failed to gather an innocuous-looking bouncing kick just inside their half and were ambushed by Drags winger Ed Johnson, who flew through, gathered and streaked away to the try line with the Scorps defenders trailing in his wake. Tim (little) Robinson crossed for another try to settle the matter late in the game, but I didn't see that.

Drags can take comfort that they were able to meet a serious challenge from Scorps and win without playing very well, that being the mark of a good side, which they unquestionably are. They will need to do better to beat the PLA this weekend, though (of which more anon). For Scorps, the manner in which they played will have done much to restore their morale, which was in the doldrums after a run of disappointing results since their miraculous victory against Valley.

There is no game for Scorps this weekend, but unbeaten Drags taken on the PLA in what should be the sternest test of the season so far. PLA are a strong side who bested Drags in the Dvision One table last year and a trip to our colonial-looking little bastion will no doubt get them all a-flutter with patriotic zeal. They have big guys and will use them to carry the ball very directly, taking passes from both the scrum half and fly half. The key for Drags will be tackling as these guys will run and run all day. It will also be vital for Drags to play structured, discplined rugby and to not kick the ball mindlessly. PLA have some tremendous broken play runners in the back three that can rip Drags apart if they lose their shape. Based on previous form, however, PLA will not have the tactial nous to defeat a team playing well-structured, patient rugby, though.

See you at training this evening.
Harps

Drags smash Aberdeen at SKP

From Drags Team Manager, Murray Sargant

HKFC Dragons 51-7 HKCC

An outstanding result on the weekend against Aberdeen.

This weekend was not looking all that great for us as CJ and I worked hard on pulling the team together all week. Firstly on Thursday night Grewers hurt his neck and was not up to playing and secondly on game day itself Robin pulled up lame with a nagging calf strain. Luckily for Drags we called on Phil Reid and Shoey to fill the gaps and they didn’t disappoint. Unfortunately that did leave us with one reserve for the game itself but luckily it was super sub David Gutherie.

It became apparent early on that our pack was in a dominant frame of mind and the front row of Babis, Kim and Harper made sure that the Aberdeen scrum was going to have a long day in the office. We turned over at least four of their feeds and on our put in we were rock solid. This meant that we had heaps of procession and the result was some excellent pressure leading to the first try from Callum in left hand corner.

After that it was the turn of the Drags lineout to have a go. They didn’t disappoint with Tim jumping at 2 and Corks at 4 we dominated the air and made every lineout competitive. Plenty of quality ball for Phil Reid to distribute and the backline which didn’t disappoint. Raby was in confident form and looked dangerous every time he touched the ball. Two great tries from out wide and Aberdeen even with their star centre from the 1st were on the rack. Raby then did a Wilkinson and had an unsuccessful attempted at drop goal from just inside the halfway line. Won’t repeat what CJ thought of this use of the ball but you cant hold back the confidence of youth. He then went onto score three tries and set up a fourth so CJ felt all was forgiven. Stobart take note if you miss a drop goal you better score three tries.

Going into the half we felt comfortable and that resulted in our only lapse of the game. We were throwing the ball around from side to side and sure enough one of our passes got intercepted. The backs then recovered well bringing the Aberdeen centre down on the 22 meter line. However with quick ball and some fast rucks Aberdeen eventually got the ball back to their large centre who went over from close range. The resulting try and conversion really got Drags fired up and that meant more trouble for Aberdeen for the remaining second half.

The backs then really opened up with a second try to Callum on the wing. This was the try of the day as Callum raced down the right touch line Aberdeen seemed to have him covered. A little extra gas from Callum and a nice step made the Aberdeen defence hesitate and then the fullback went high. Callum brushed him off and managed to stay well inside the touch line for great solo try. The rest of the afternoon had Andy Yip get on the score board with two touch downs and also another for Raby and one each for Ramsey and Shannon finished off the 9 try wrought. The only negative was that Corkery got nailed in the ribs from a very hard hit in one of our many attacking moves. The result was three broken ribs and a painful end of the game for Corks. He is fine although he will need the next few weeks to get his ribs back in shape. I can confirm that straight after the hit and while he couldn’t breath his first words were “ I want to punch that fucker” Summed up the spirit in the team that day with everyone giving 110%.

By far the strongest game of the year from Drags despite not having a bench sorry David as you did get a run so we ended the game with no bench. The fact we never let up and kept scoring and putting the pressure on was excellent. We had starring performances right across the park with Raby leading the try count, Peyton and Shannon driving up the middle, Edgar and Corks in the air but the Man of the Match as voted by CJ and Ramsey as Captain was Phil Reid. Phil played a fantastic solid game in attack and was the fourth member of the backrow cleaning up any forwards that wanted to run in his direction. A great performance from him, a very worthy winner in what was a great day for Drags.

Well done to the entire team. A Superb effort.

HKFC Dragons v HKCC
Saturday 27 August, 3.00pm, SKP


1. Adam Harper
2. Kim Cau
3. Damien Babis
4. Peyton Burnett
5. Ramsey Carter(C) (try)
6. Shannon Ford (try)
7. Andrew Corkery
8. Tim Edgar

9. Phil Reid
10. Ben Harris
11. Adam Raby (3 tries)
12. Simon Shoebridge
13. Andy Yip (2 tries)
14. Callum Nieto (2 tries)
15. Ed Cosgrove

Replacement: David Gutherie