The Tongans are Wrong 'Uns

Not sure where I'm going with the title really. It just occured to me and it rhymes. Good enough reasons really. Actually, I think the Tongans are fantastic - one of the form teams of the RWC, like the Argies and Ireland (ho ho ho).

My hunch is that "Crazy Horse" Moody will have a big match. I know he often resembles a demented Labrador, happily loping about the pitch and getting into trouble, but he’s got tremendous pace, a huge work rate and he tackles everything that moves. I love watching him chase the restarts. It must put the fear of God into the catcher, knowing that this gangling big guy with Vaseline in his ears (have you ever noticed that?) is split seconds away and getting closer very quickly. His discipline at the breakdown is much better these days as well.

My favourite Moody Moment (a potential brand name that, maybe something for women) was when England played NZ at Twickenham late last year. After every AB’s line out, Lewis would just be starting to hare off in the direction of Dan Carter and Richie McCaw would just stand in his way. Hellish clever. The look of surprise and shock on Lewis’s face was priceless. It was like when you pretend to throw a ball for a dog to chase and they don’t understand where it’s gone.

Another word on Tana Umaga and that tackle and the war of words that followed. My own humble opinion, with apologies to his fellow countrymen, is that he's making a bit of a c*ck out of himself now.

Allow me to quote [with a few of my own comments] from his newly-released book, with the riveting-sounding title of Up Close.

"I was standing over the ball trying to protect it when he bounced back to have another crack at disrupting our possession [Well actuall he wasn't doing much and Kevin and me through right, this is our chance to nail the cocky Irish f*cker!]. We were tussling as he tried to get through and I grabbed his leg to try to unbalance him, a technique I'd used before and still use to this day [I gave Kevin the nod, checked that the referee wasn't looking and then lifted the b*gger off his feet] . What I didn't realise was that Keven Mealamu was doing the same thing on the other side of the ruck [Per-leeeeeeease!]. As I got one of O'Driscoll's legs up, Keven hoisted his other leg and drove him back.
He ended up [Ended up? He was only there because we lifted him up with the sole aim of dropping him on his head] with both feet off the ground, not in control of himself or the situation, a position rugby players often find themselves in. When we let him go he came down and what happened, happened. [I may look like a savage Lord of the Rings character, but I can be very profound sometimes, don't you think?] I didn't think anything of it, I just took off [whistling a jolly tune]."

So far, a load of old cobblers. But the best is yet to come, for Tana is now a victim...

"The sustained personal attack they launched against me was hard to believe and even harder to stomach. You don't want to take it personally but it's almost impossible not to when another player, a guy you had some respect for, attacks your character in the most direct and damning terms [ie. suggesting that it was a cynical, calculating and clinically-executed case study in how to injure someone deliberately...as if!]. My first thought was geez, don't be a sook [a WHAT?]; there's no use crying about it, man, it's over.

Enough of this absurd posturing. Umaga's failure to admit that they did it deliberately and his equally reprehensible failure to show any convincing sympathy to BOD is just galling. And don't give me any of this southern-hemisphere-hard-man-sympathy is for girls cr*p. It's all posing and belly-talk, and it leaves a stain on Umaga's name - which is a shame, because he was a great player - and on NZ rugby in general.