Scorps test PLA, show potential

The below is something of a hybrid between a CIA report, an executive summary and a stream-of-consciousness piece of Hunter S. Thompson-style reportage. Who else could have written it but Bouch?

Date: Saturday 18th October 2008
Location: Kings Park (away again!)
Opposition: The People's Liberation Army of the People's Republic of China
Score: CBRE HKFC III Scorpions 22, Laxton PLA 44
Scorers: Tries: Charles French 2, Alex Smith, David Guthrie; Conversions: David Beckett 2

It behoves this writer to crave the indulgence of the "blog-itors", by being a smidgeon late. Dry yet profuse words can be delivered with alacrity, erudition and wit take a little longer. Before I wrote this report I took the liberty of investigating our opposition a little more than watching them run past me very fast. I discovered this intriguing factoid:"The PLA is the world's largest military force, with approximately 3 million members, and has the world's largest (active) standing army, with approximately 2.25 million members."Which I imagine can go some way to explaining how they managed to get 14 people who were simultaneously very quick and had little or no body fat - the 15th member was the first but strangely not the latter.

The lack of fat and the small issue of a language barrier did make for somewhat less comedy than normal.The coaching staff's near complete failure to register any laughs was compounded by the minor issue that our good selves were virtually incapable of tackling the aforesaid blubberless ones. Despite this coach Mike Watson, he of the no body fat whatsoever but a fine line in Northern wit, had a couple of intriguing comments for the team to consider at training.

• Thanks - hard work. Tough match against a good side - fast and fit.
• Disappointment because we had the ability to beat PLA if we could learn to adapt our performance to counter their strengths. The first 15 minutes we totalled them scoring one, nearly a second attacking their 22 and then an interception.
• Two more tries were interceptions when we were in attacking position. This made 21 points lads deduct them and you see the true nature of the game.
• Comments:- Scrummaging very good. Front Row really worked in tight and in loose. Just a couple of wheels later on but impressed.
- Loose - when we stuck to the pick drive and roll agreement of before the kick off we just took PLA down the park often 20 to 40 Meters. To be fair I think if we did this against many sides in our league we would win the game.
- Backs overall no criticism. I liked the open play and the handling was in the main strong. Taking runners from the back row also gained ground for us.
- Penalties - well done to Smudger for the quick taps - 2 tries came from this.
- Dave Beckett great running. Nick James if I underestimated your running ability from deep mate first time I have seen it.All of the above would have been of value (including the bits I have carefully edited out) at training, had anybody been there on Monday!!! Which was nice.

In summary, which by its very nature and because it is written by me, may very well end up being longer than the main content, the Scorps laid down a big marker for the season. We played at times some good strong rugby with discipline and just enough flair to be very dangerous. It also is great to see that there are many more players who have the wherewithal and desire to play in the higher leagues. David Beckett and Nick James were mentioned above as was Smudger Smith stepping up from Select with aplomb. However the Man of the Match went to Minju "Midget" Kim for an outstanding full 80 minutes at tighthead prop against a much bigger and more experienced (make that ex-Chinese international) prop, and we at times powered them off their own ball. The Tuesday of the match remains in the capable hands of Mr Richard Tinsley for failing to return the sartorial wig and hat combo which management had carefully crafted the previous week.Despite this we did manage to turnstile a few of their players and lessons have been learned.

Bring it on as they say - whoever the hell "they" are.
Bouch