Nomads feel the Scorpion's sting

I get the feeling Bouch is all at sea with this analogy but what the heck, he's enjoying himself...

Communique

To: Rear Admiral the Lord Adam Harperington-Blogsmythe, KCV A, RSE B, UM with Distinction

From: Commander of HMS Scorpion

Ref: Invasion of Kowloon Peninsula

Sir,

As instructed by Fleet HQ, HMS Scorpion undertook their planned invasion of the Kowloon Peninsula this Saturday last. We encountered some spirited resistance from a local force of Nomads but after several minutes skirmishing, we were able to fire off several successful salvos. As the engagement continued, the crew battled with structure and cohesion for periods whilst also managing to allow the opposition forces to appear as if they could resist. I have advised the crew that this sort of lapse in discipline is not to be tolerated and after the Nomadic force had been defeated by 52 hits to nil, we maintained station and undertook several essential keel-haulings as required by military convention. All members of the crew took their punishment like the men they are.

To be mentioned in dispatches:
Lieutenant Commander Giles Disney-LargeOick, despite his appalling lower middle class accent, the man charged with selecting our forces for this encounter did a more than sterling job and was suitable rewarded after the match. Unfortunately I was unable to formally present him with the MOTB medal as one of the previous crew members has neglected to return it. He will be scrubbing the decks appropriately.

Ensigns Nieto, Beckett, and Bowring and former Captain of the Vessel Shane Farmhand-Wallis performed very well and were responsible for the vast majority of the hits we achieved, for which the command structure were dutifully grateful. It is worth noting that unfortunately Commander Sir Watsonian-Northernbottom was detained in port due to hosting members of the Singaporean navy who had mysteriously arrived for a shared tour of duty. However when informed of the extent of our victory, Sir W-N was extremely pleased.

Once again, the entire for'rard section performed with distinction although our aeriel support group, used when we were at the edge of the battlefield, needed a little work. I fear another trip to HMS TrainingField!

Finally, it is my sad duty to report that certain elements of the for'rard section were forced to retire from the engagement after I had sent in all of the available reserve force. (Able Seaman Frost (very unable at this point) was suitably keel-hauled.) Faced with leaving a hole in the strength of the attack, I was forced into the engagement myself. I am pleased however to report that my intervention didn't cause too much embarrassment and I am grateful to Master Chief Petty Officer Yataka Yazawa-san, on loan from His Imperial Japanese Maritime Self Defence Force, who bailed me out of a potentially nasty surprise when I found myself isolated deep behind enemy lines, attempting to grasp some advantage from Cabin Boy French's bizarre use of the foot as an attacking weapon. Indeed suffice it to say all of the crew found it slightly amusing from one so large.

I am also delighted to inform fleet command that we maintained a small force to lend support to the fleet's primary aircraft carrier group led by HMS Club, who also achieved victory. I am however duty bound to point out that several members of their crew appeared to be from the colonies, who had the affrontery to engage in a social game of rugger this weekend last at Fleet HQ, and heaven forbid, humiliate Fleet's finest. I assure you sir that no such tomfoolery was allowed in our crew and former Captain of Vessel Farmhand-Wallis was the only foreigner we allowed aboard ship, the fact of which we also gleefully reminded him.

I remain, in victory, your humble servant,

Commander Her Britannic Majesty's Ship Scorpion, Sir Andrew Bouchington-Blithertwit, KCV A, NGRY, TWA, T with bar

End Communique